Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Will acting like I don't care anymore make him realize what he is about to lose?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 9 years, 1 month ago by
kaye.
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B
In a fading LDR. We met in the summer, and knew it was bad timing because he had to go back to school in the South (I live in the North). We used to talk every day and be so into eachother, but now he thinks he can do the bare minimum and still have me when he comes home. He now only talks to me twice a month or snapchats me a few times saying how much he misses me. I have realized that I cant be that girl waiting for a text anymore, I deserve so much better. Will stopping all contact make him realize that I am unhappy with him and moving on? Will it make him try more on his end? I don’t know what to do. I really like him and see a future with him.
Miss_Aspiring
I think you answered your own question: “I have realized that I cant be that girl waiting for a text anymore, I deserve so much better.”
Even if you try to manipulate him into trying harder, he will soon enough go back to his old ways. People don’t change unless they really, truly want to change. This includes people’s communication habits. I think you should end this “fading LDR” and look for someone who lives closer and can give you the relationship you deserve.
Shelly
Please don’t resort to playing games by acting like you don’t care. You have already realized that you deserve better than this, so the best course of action is to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you feel you deserve to be treated. Stop giving your all to this guy and accepting what little crumbs he is giving you. If he ends up stepping up to the plate, great, but if not you will know that he is not the one for you so that you can move on to find your dream relationship.
B
Thank you guys. He came home about two weeks ago, and everything was perfect. When we are together, I’m the happiest girl in the world. But when he goes back to school, we don’t talk. Its so weird and its playing with my feelings a lot. I’m too nice and he’s taking advantage. As much as I don’t want to, I have to give up hope.
Gemini615
Being purposefully distant to encourage a reaction is game playing. If you’re not happy then handle this like an adult. Pick up the phone and call him and say this isn’t working for you anymore and you want to end it. Being purposefully aloof, especially in an LDR serves no purpose but to make things worse.
Leigh
Just make sure and tell him. You need space. Don’t end it. Take some for yourself and see where it takes him.
It is hard for them to not be there so they think why bother.
You will see if he will make an effort when you tell him you need space.
Ashley
he basically is living his life & acting like you’re a plaything for when he comes home. if he was into you he’d still be talking to you regularly. don’t cut contact to “make him realize” – do it for yourself. he may realize he is losing you & step up but at the same time if he is not doing that naturally, that will only take you so far, if he ultimately doesn’t want what you want at the moment. guys in college usually like to experience as many girls as possible. it doesn’t mean they don’t care for you & miss you but, they want to live their life to the fullest & a girl far away isn’t going to be their priority. when I was in college I had a lot of guy friends & they would tell their girl at home what she wanted to hear just to keep her as an option while another girl was in the room. Not to make you feel bad but that’s reality.. you’re wrapped up in him & he’s living his own life. I think you should tell him you want an actual boyfriend, but don’t do it to try to get a certain reaction from him because that stuff is silly & petty.
B
Thank you everyone. @Ashley, thank you, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. I took a picture of your response and every time I feel like missing him, I’m going to read that.. LOL. You rock.
Ashley
Aww I’m glad I could help you, it sucks but as the saying goes ‘the truth hurts then it works’ you’ll be fine just make yourself extra hot, take pictures & go out & be happy – you don’t need him
Jordan
You’d get a better reaction if you actually did not care as opposed to just pretending. Not saying you should but if you honestly don’t want to care, I’d just end things and cut contact. You don’t seem that happy.
Khadija
B,
Trying to pretend you don’t care to get a reaction out of man never really works.
The best thing you can do at this point is go about living your life. If it’s an LDR and already fading then at some point it will probably go to nonexistent. I hate to say that but, that’s how these things can go. Initially people think they can keep up but, with the distance can be such a kill joy.I’ll assume you are college age given the context of your post. GO out and meet new people.I’m sure he is doing just that at the moment.
kaye
The guy only talks to you twice a month? How long do you think it will take him to even figure out you aren’t talking to him? 2 Weeks? 3 weeks? If you’re not happy just say you’re not happy. Tell him it isn’t working and you need more. See how he responds. If he’s not willing to make this work then end it. You can read all kinds of posts on here about how hard LDRs are and how guys don’t do well in them. It sounds like you two were a summer fling and now that he’s back in school he has other things to occupy his time.
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