Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Will he be physically abusive?
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Ss.
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Amber
Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, I actually haven’t used this forum in a year because of that. We recently got a puppy together and if you know puppies then tend to wake up in the middle of the night. This past week he was at his house (we live with our parents we are both 22). And I was at my house taking care of our puppy while going to work, so every morning I was waking up at 4am then went to work from 6am-4pm.
Last night he promised me he would let me sleep in. So just 30 mins ago our puppy started whining to be let out of our room to go pee. I woke him up and asked him to take her and right off the bat he told me to “stfu”. I was getting frustrated bc I didn’t want our puppy to pee in my room so I kept asking him and he kept telling me yet again, to stfu. At this point she is barking and I have my mother in the house too. So I pinched his nipple to wake him up and he grabbed my wrist and bent it back for around 10 seconds. I still can’t feel all my fingers honestly. I haven’t checked for redness yet bc it is dark…
This isn’t the first time this has happened. One time I was talking to him about my feelings and he was on his phone disregarding me and I took his phone out of his hands so he would actually listen to me and he grabbed my wrist and bent it back. Given tonight was wayyyy worse than this time. Again still can’t feel my fingers it feels like my hand has fallen asleep.
My main question is should I be scared…. I’ve been in a domestic violence relationship before cops were involved. Besides all this I really love him and this is scary to me. What if we have kids and it’s his turn to change the diaper and he acts this way??? I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong either. Any advice please xx
Amber
Extra comment: when he was bending my wrist back I was punching him to let go and he was only bending harder. I know I pinched his nipple first but does that really cause this reaction??? As he left to take her potty he said I should apologize. He is sleeping downstairs now
Newbie
I think you should talk to him about it. But from an open perspective because you are doing the exact same thing. Taking his phone because you want his attention is extremely juvenile. Pinching his nipple hurts. Pretty much both times he grabbed your arm to stop what you were doing. So if you both dont find ways to communicate what you want on a healthy level i see this as doomed.
Then there is the fact he didnt let you sleep in like he promised. If he cant even do that i also see trouble in your future. Think: are you doing all the hard work for the puppy and he is doing the fun stuff? Not a good signAmber
I don’t think taking his phone was juvenile. It happens all the time where he ignores me and that’s the only way to get his attention. Believe me I ask him plenty to listen to me and how rude it is I’m opening up about something and he is on his phone. So I tried to grab it and he did that.
My thing is I never do it as hard as he does it. EVER. I pinched his nipple to grasp his attention so he would be fully awake.
And yes I am doing all the hard work, when I ask him to do the hard work he complains and groans about it. Also when he is petting her and I try to pet her too he pushes my hand away as well…. I’m not sure if after a year he is showing signs of abuse.
Amber
Update: he just came back upstairs and said he wants to sleep in the bed…. and our puppy needs to be supervised in case she gets out (we have coyotes). So now I’m downstairs sleeping on the couch. I was seriously looking forward to sleeping in, but that isn’t going to happen anymore. How can somebody be so selfish…..
Newbie
I think taking someone”s phone is super juvenile and a sign you cant convince a guy to notice you. So either you are telling super boring stuff, or are always talking or he takes you for granted. And pinching a guy’s sensitive nipple is really invasive. So you are starting this but you want to ignore that and focus on what he does next and that is more hurtful. It doesnt work that way. Actions cause reactions. Both of you are at fault here. So i do see signs of fysical acting out in both of you. You want to act physical to get his attention or hurt him to wake him up. He does it to make you stop. When it comes up to he is in general: you have to decide what are dealbreakers and what are not. Him moaning and groaning all the time, is something im not really attracted to, but for you maybe ok. Like my man is a shopaholic. For some that would be a dealbreaker, for me its not.
Newbie
Huh? So you slept on the couch all those other nights as well?
Newbie
I think its best you break up. Youre both not mature enough for a relationship
Amber
I slept on the couch with my puppy so she can use the doggy door when needed. So yes, he was not here when I was sleeping on the couch with her. How he is here and promised me that I would get to sleep in. It’s not a maturity thing for me, I’m not sure why I’m being attacked here…. it’s definitely a maturity issue with him. Be an adult and keep your word. But nope, now I’m on the couch with our pup. And he is upstairs sleeping peacefully, must be nice. Also when he watches our puppy I hear from his dad that he just sleeps all day and doesn’t actually watch her.
Quite honestly I’ve been trying to take a break from this relationship just to think but I’m not sure anymore this was stepping over the line
Newbie
I can understand you think im attacking you and Yes i question your communication skills. As i also see in this treat you react in a passive agressive and sulking way. Thats exactly my point. And when you dont get the attention with the passive aggresive sulking way you get in people private space. If he broke his own promise and thats a dealbreaker to you and another case of him not treating you well, you break up. You define how you want to be treated and you expres that. But the way you talk is just juvenile (now he sleeps peacefully upstairs and im lying on the couch). Its all details where you are looking for support for your case from strangers. What does your gut tell you? Is it more your puppy? Is he a good and generous man. Or selfish? Those things are important
Ss
You are both at fault. He is out of line hurting you, but you are also out of line taking his phone but most out of order is pinching him! I can’t believe you did that and think it is ok. Its not ok. If he pinched you because you were ignoring him you would say he assaulted you! How hard you did it or not is irrelevant! You physically assaulted him!
His response is physical when you p*ss him off, he is disrespectful, a liar and he is lazy. I don’t see a happy future for you with him.
End it
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