Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › Will he come back?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
Karen.
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Julia
Hi all, my boyfriend of nine months and I just broke up after a pretty tumultuous relationship. We started out as friends and I realized soon enough I had very strong feelings from him. He did everything for me even when he didn’t have the means to. Unfortunately, I was unappreciative towards all of his efforts. I cheated on him. I was the bad guy. This is a bad habit that I have in relationships. I take advantage of good men who are very good to me. And, it wasn’t until I dated him and lost him that I realized this.
We broke up because things got messy. There was a lack of trust on both ends and he told me he was “tired” from trying with me for months while I took advantage of him. He hasn’t completely cut me out of his life, though. He wanted to remain friends and told me I can talk to him whenever I need to. We actually met a few days ago for closure and he told me he believes we were meant to be in each other’s lives, but he can’t be in a relationship right now because of everything I put him through.
We haven’t spoken in two days which is the longest we’ve gone without talking, because I believe now that we need space from each other even though it’s hard. I have had a lot of time to self reflect and realize all that I did wrong. I don’t expect him to believe that I would be a better girlfriend if he got back with me, and I want to give him the space he needs. I love him very much and would do anything to make it work. Is there a chance he will reach out to me soon? One of the last things he said to me is that “we WILL see each other again”. How soon? Is there a chance for this?Raven
You might consider seeing a trained someone to work through your ‘habit.’
Natalie
Be careful that he asked to still stay friends & that you can still talk to him. Especially if you have feelings for the guy.
In my experience, when a guy wants to still keep you as a “friend”, it’s to keep you on the backburner in case he wants sex. And no one else is around. I agreed to this in 2 past relationships. Each time the guy would hit me up from time to time being super friendly. They put the moves on me physically in both cases.
I would stop being attached or dependent on his attention. If you are always waiting in the wings as a so called friend, expect to be taken advantage of him at some point.
Best overall solution is a clean break with no contact to at least cut your feeling of attachment to him.
kaye
First of all, I seriously doubt it took you losing him to realize cheating on a boyfriend and taking advantage of them is a bad habit!! Of course he doesn’t trust you now. And do you realistically believe a few days is enough time to self reflect and convince someone you now realize you were wrong?
I would say close to 99% of the guys I know who had wives or girlfriends cheat on them wouldn’t take them back regardless of how much they love them. I can think of 4 guys I dated who were cheated on by their wives and immediately ended the marriage. It took them a long time to get over that pain and hurt because it’s such a huge betrayal to the male ego. And even though 3 of those ex wives tried to get them back none of them would budge from their decision to end it permanently.
Do you know how empty your words sound? “I love him very much and would do anything to make it work.” If you loved him so much why did you cheat on him? Why did you take advantage of him? I hope you learn a valuable life lesson from this. You can’t just treat people however you want and hurt them and expect them to take you back just because you’ve had a few days to realize you screwed up!!
Truth hurts
When respect is lost it’s kind of stupid to expect to get it back. You were manipulative, selfish, deceiving, and you think everything is gonna be good between you like nothing ever happened?
He totally can be in a relationship right now, just not with you.
Karen
A broken person breaks other people. You need to take a year off from dating and work on you. Google search articles about your issues and work on them. Leave the man alone. He gave, you took, then you stepped on his face. I suspect if he took you back you’d think even less of him.
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