Will I hear from him again?

The problem with that Andrea is if the guy sucks at sex or cant get it up or is too small. Then all that time you have wasted with him just to realise that you guys are sexually incompatible. There have been posts here recently of a similar problem.

Sherri, a man can commit to a woman very quickly in 3-4 months if he feels you are the right one for him. I really do not think spending 3-4 months is wasting of time even later you find out sexually incompatible. Comparing a man disappearing after another or one non-committed man after another, which is wasting more of the time?

Sass, do you think having sex with a man will speed up the process of him committing to you? Wrong, it will only slow down the process. You can date a few men at a time to if you think spending a couple months with a man is wasting of time, and choose the best one who commits to you, that is really the way to find your Mr. Right,

Andrea, I do not advocate sleeping with a guy early but till you commit …. oh no. I can and will only commit to a guy whom I know for a fact that I was sexually compatible with. This is coming from an experience from being in a 10 year marriage with a guy where we were not at all sexually compatible. Sex is important to me and if it is not to a guy or if there is no compatibility or too small or cant get it up, its not for me. And there are men out there for whom sex is not important at all. Sex was not at all important for my ex husband. More than once a year used to be too much for him. So not getting into that situation again. Also I do not commit easily. For me once I made a commitment, I have made it for life …. And I will try to work it out (that’s why I stayed in that marriage when I should have walked out within a month). I have only had one relationship my entire life.

So that’s why I tell the girls here …. go slow but make sure all is compatible including sex before committing. And if he fades after sex, well then you should have been in the mindset of confidence when you first had sex with him in the first place. So chalk it up to a good/bad experience.

Sass. …ask him to call you. tell him you don’t do texting….see if he steps up or not. good luck.

The most important thing to remember right now is to just be yourself, be positive, and know you’ll be okay no matter what happens… A lot of times us girls start worrying and stressing over a man when we like them a lot but this fear and stress is what pushes them away bc when we’re caught up in this mindset were not ourselves… It hasn’t really been that long since you’ve seen him. What I would do is keep your mind off of him and focus on yourself for now. He’ll come around if it’s meant to be and if not you’ll be alright…

Hey Sass – I think it’s a good thing he’s in contact. If he were gonna ghost on you, he wouldn’t be acting as he has in past weeks. Given the fact that he’s moving AND working abroad this week, I would say he’s simply busy and unable to find the time to schedule another date just yet…

This is a busy week for him. If you contact, maybe just a short, sweet text…”Hey, I know you’ve a busy week ahead. I hope things go well with the move and work!”

I’m certain he knows you’re level of interest :)

Think positively!

He has asked me why I never initiate texting… so I made a point of doing that last week, and therefore I think it’s my turn tonight, but like you say I will just go with hope you have fun in Germany type approach and leave it at that.

I try to think positive but past experience has conditioned me to expect the worst of men. I find it almost impossible to believe a man could genuinely be into me. I fear hoping but I want to hope!!

I’m glad you all think this sounds positive so I will try to relax.

I haven’t really heard from my man since so you are doing better than I, sassperila.

I had a feeling from him in the morning that was different and I think if you are honest with yourself it is not hard to see the truth of things sometimes we just dont want to.

Tina – how long since you guys last met?

Sass – the contact is good. Now don’t go and put negative vibes into the air and screw it up. I usually feel when you think negative, you are praying that negative happens then you shouldn’t be surprised that what you thought did happen. Once he is back, having sex or meeting shouldn’t be the issue but rather does he still take u out on dates and not just at home dates. That is what you need to pay attention to. Sass, also your past experience is because you did not choose the right guys. It has nothing to do with men as a species at all.

Thanks tallady, this is all good advice. I do understand that I can’t know what will happen next, I just want that growth and connection!! Ha ha… But seriously I am feeling okay about it, I do feel a calmness that I didn’t experience during the last disaster, but because of that last experience I also know if this doesn’t go anywhere I will survive and there will be other opportunities. What panicked me last time (summer last year) was that this was the first semblance of a relationship for me in many years, so I was grasping at it and willing to take crumbs because previously the cupboard was bare – I was STARVING!

When that ended I was disappointed because I had/have this entitlement in my mind that it should be MY TURN because I’ve waited so long for a happy story in this department. However I’ve come to realise that’s just my imagination and hope playing games with me. It will be my turn eventually, but I could still be waiting a long time.

However what heartens me just now is that I got over that last one fairly easily (with a lot of help from this forum) and it’s meant I’m starting out again with less desperation and less of a sense that I will never eat again if I don’t chow down on the crumbs. So with my appetite slightly sated by the last experience I can wait for a nice warm slice of toast with butter before my stomach starts to rumble again. I don’t need to take the mouldy bread!

Don’t know how that turned into a food analogy but there you go! LOL.

So I’m at peace with it. If he’s the right guy for me it will go somewhere. If he’s not then I’ll find out and it will open the door to the next bakery! Hopefully full of big cupcakes! :)

Tina, there’s a bright spot here that you need to look at. Men need to MISS a lady to know if he’s falling in love or not. If your always THERE day in and day out it doesn’t give him a chance to know if he could live with or without you! When a man FEARS not having you in his life, then he will do everything in his power to keep you in it!

Actually this may be a good sign. He’s probably taking some time to identify his feelings for you, and the more he misses you, the more likely he’s falling in love :-)

Its how you react will be the KEY here. Do not contact him, give him some space to sort out his feelings. When he does reach out, just be your natural self as if nothing has changed from the last time you saw each other. He needs to feel safe too, so not reacting to the space is the biggest GIFT you can give to him, in which he may return it threefold by dropping the “I love you” bomb :-)

That’s great! Outdoor dates