Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Will there be a third date?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 7 years, 7 months ago by
Amanda.
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Kbee
Hi all-
Ok I’m new to this forum and I thought maybe I could get some advice on my dating situation.
I’ve been single for over a year and doing the online dating thing. There’s one app in particular that I’ve been using that seems better than the “here to hookup ones” I’ve been finding.
Anyways, so I met this guy on there and we started messaging each other. After about a week I gave him my number to contact me for a date which he did. So we set up a first date on a Sunday, pretty casual. We got ice cream, went for a walk to the beach and talked for about 3 hours.
It was a little awkward leaving at the end bc I was a little nervous and we just kinda parted ways, no hug good-bye or really any touching but this was a first meeting. He said “I’ll be in touch.” Of course I immediately think – ‘he’s just not into me’ . He would of said he wanted to see me again, blah, blah, blah. Well he did end up texting me later that evening about some misc info about things that we were talking about on our date.
Ok so two days later after the first date he asks me for a second. We were to go to a concert. Well I was super excited as I didn’t think we would ever go out again. And he’s a big music person but the particular concert we were going to was not his taste at all but he knew I would like it. I’m thinking this was even better, he has to be into me?! Yay!
Friday is the night of the concert and he picks me up. He lets me know that he got his car detailed earlier that day (again I’m thinking wow he’s putting forth some effort here). The concert was great and we got some drinks afterwards at a bar. The convo was good. I asked him how dating online was going as it can be a nightmare. He shared his stories and then I casually mentioned that he was kinda a hard person to read. As he doesn’t flirt or compliment or even touch me. I told him I was getting the vibe that he might not be interested and that was ok but it was hard to tell from him. So he explained that he doesn’t necessarily compliment women a lot and he tends to over think things a lot in his head. He said he was interested in me. To which I said that I was interested in him too.
Fast forward to the end of the date, he walks me to my door and we kiss. Which actually ends of being a make out. He tried to come inside to my place but told him coyly , “you have to work a little hard than that.” Meaning I’m not gonna jump in bed with you on second date and after no physical contact until just now. So he was fine with that, said our good-byes.
It’s been 4 days since that second date and since then he’s texted me only twice and took 2 days to respond to my last one and no mention of another date. Wtf I’m so confused! We had a good time, I thought we had a connection. Is he doing the slow fade into ghosting??? Please help.MariaTheOriginal
There might be. It’s hard to say– I would say he is interested in you to an extent– but not super interested right now. If he thought you were totally amazingly right for him, he probably would have asked you out again right away…. my bet is he is dating a lot, and just….. feeling it out….. he might be in touch, but try not to get so invested so fast! And i think you probably looked like you were fishing for compliments when you told him he was hard to read, sort of asking him to validate you. i wouldn’t ask men questions like that (at least not on a second date) in the future.
Stop placing so much of your emotional energy on someone you barely know and set up some dates with some other guys… don’t put all your eggs in one basket.Pop
Are you inexperienced in online dating? If so I understand where you’re coming from, but a lota ladies myself included will tell you, that it’s brutal out there. So you gotta grow thicker skin. But it needs practice so don’t despair if you don’t get it right in the first few months or even a year.
Anyway, honestly I cringed at 2 things you said. 1 – you said he was hard to read. Why say that? Is it supposed to be flirty line or something? I don’t get it. You want HIM to think YOU’RE hard to read, if anything. 2 – you said he needed to work a little harder than that. I guess you wanted to sound sassy but that line to me is so obvious and desperate to me…
Bottom line, you are sounding desperate. Stop it.Also, who knows what his intentions are. If he doesn’t set up another date within a week, I say his interest is low so you need more men to entertain yourself.
Kbee
Thanks guys! I agree with you both I need to invest so much into this guy.
Pop, I thought I was being coy and sassy with that line, ‘you have to work a little harder.’ I didn’t realize that sounded desperate as I def didn’t want to any further with him. In the future I guess I’ll just say ‘not yet or maybe some other time’Maria I was totally fishing, I think that if I don’t get a compliment from a guy it must mean he’s not interested. Ugh! I need to be more confident but it’s hard if I just get rejected.
But I def need to grow thicker skin for sure with these dates. Thanks for the insight!
Z
he tends to over think things a lot in his head. He said he was interested in me. (It’s low interest)
“you have to work a little hard than that.”
I over think things too so just guessing here your comment came off as rejection?
He sounds like a bit of a shy guy that wanted to please you.
The non flirting thing no compliments baffles me…how did he peak your interest to begin with?
He put in an effort to take you to a concert with music he didn’t care much for. Detailed his ride. Did you show any sort of appreciation for it? Did it seem like he was having fun at all? Did you guys laugh and joke around at all? or was it all serious boring online dating babble?Wait for him to contact you. If he doesn’t you will have your answer. For me, if I start second guessing myself about the situation and it leaves a knot in my stomach and steals my peace of mind it’s not worth the time. I just go on being me and stop investing so much thought into him because he’s obviously not investing in me. It’s still a battle but the more I practice the better it gets.
Or maybe since it’s online dating he’s gone on a few dates with other women. Options. There’s more men on that site go on a date with someone else. It’s not official between you guys after a few dates. When he contacts you tell him you have plans (and actually have them)
Just a side note…I don’t understand why guys go through such lengths to have a one night stand. Is that their intention or does the woman do something that just clicks in their heads ‘yeah… it’s going to be a one time deal.’
Kbee
Hey Z-
I def made sure to tell him that I appreciated everything that he was doing. Thanked him for picking up before he even got me. Said I really enjoyed the concert at thanked him for the tickets while at my door. I’m def not one of these girls who takes things for granted. Most people say I’m too nice and sweet. We def had laughs and teases each other a lot. But yeah that’s where it was such a weird vibe bc there was no flirting what so ever at least from him!
Ok so him saying he was interested in me was in fact his low interest?
He has contacted me a little after the date. He texted me Thinking of you- the next night. I said that was good with winky face and then contacted me 2 days after that but just him making an emoji face on some video we were talking about.
Maybe I should text him something sweet or say that I had a good time and would like to see him again?Pop
I don’t know, you could text him something random and funny, or relevant to your conversations, but I would vote against you telling him you want to see him again.
But then, I’ve done a few occasions where I have sent guys a text initiated by me (basically fishing to see if the guy would ask me out again in a timely manner), and they didn’t. So it doesn’t matter if I text or not, if they want to see me and progress things then they WILL make a move in a timely manner. Now that I know this, I don’t even bother initiating texts with a guy I’m feeling a little off balance with. I will do it if I’m really desperate.Amanda
Text him again but do NOT say you want to see him. You already lead way too much by asking if he was interested. Women need to play hard to get. That turns men on. By asking if he was into you it completely reveals that you want him to be and you are thinking about it. Don’t ask men those questions. Trust me, when a guy has decided he is into you, you will not have to ask. If he has not decided then asking is only a turn off.
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