With love, can you fake it til you make it?

I think if they haven’t grown in a year then they’re not going to. Sorry.

It depends on your value system. What do you value most? Having an acceptable companion or being in mad love? There’s not a right or wrong answer to that. Yes, it’s true it can be harder to meet a good partner at 50+ but it’s not impossible and is largely down to your expectations. It feels like you know it’s wrong to keep hanging around with him. Decision time. I think you already know what to do. Sounds like he’s Mr. Right Now and not your real Mr. Right.

Before you make a decision, I’d ask yourself if you’re happy with your life and where you’re at. I have found that the times I’ve felt “madly” in love were more about a gap or fear in myself I wanted someone else to fill, and it never worked out. Usually my attraction was actually to unavailability. When I am happy with myself and looking for a relationship to be more of a cherry on top that I’m choosing every day and on more than just feelings, more attraction and fulfillment follows. If you’ve never felt particularly attracted to this man and tried to wait for it to grow this entire time, you should definitely end it. If it was there at the start and then your feelings faded for seemingly no reason, it’s more likely to be related to some inner turmoil that may very well repeat with the next good guy you meet.

I suspect that you may still have some processing to do from the end of your first marriage. Loss of a loved one is terrible, and can be very life-altering, so if you’ve been choosing the wrong men since you resumed eventually dating after your loss and you really want to fix it, I’d start there. You may have emotional unavailability still floating around from that which makes you attracted to crappy partners. That doesn’t mean this guy will become the one or that you’re even ready for that now if your priority is sweep you off your feet love, so make whatever decision is best for you. Don’t lead on someone if you’re already checked out of the relationship. But wanted to give you some food for thought, first, because I used to choose the worst partners for myself and this stuff isn’t intuitive.

OH MY – just checked my horoscope!

July 16, 2021: Something going on in your love life could be making you ponder the true nature of a romantic connection today. A part of you is aware that although your current relationship isn’t as sensual or steamy as you’d like, it does provide emotional security for you. The question to ask yourself now is whether your cherished comfort zone keeps you from realizing your passionate potential. Maintain realistic expectations as you work on creating more balance in matters of the heart. There could be rewards in embracing a bolder approach.

How is Your emotional availability?

Sounds like you’re making the right decision for yourself!

Unrelated to this situation with this guy, but more broadly for you in general, I wanted to comment on this: “I could make myself emotionally available for the right person, if that person exists.” This is a bit of a chicken and egg statement. It’s almost impossible to become emotionally available FOR another person. It needs to be for yourself first, and then the right person may (or may not) follow. There generally is no “right” person until you’re ready for it and right with yourself. Once that switch flips, it becomes much easier to find perhaps several “right” people.

Good luck with what you’re looking for! I think once you have had some time after going through this experience, you’ll have space to figure out the rest.