Withdrawing because of stress, not sure what to do

Hi Sonja
I won’t lie but this is a shi**y situation to be in. I feel like your walking on eggshells simply because you haven’t been together too long 3 months is not enough time. The fact he is going through stress due to his business losses is also out of your control. I think you did the right thing by saying you would be there for him and I feel that is as far as you should go. The issue with his business is stressful and extremely disappointing to him but he needs to learn how to deal with it. Hopefully he won’t let it get in the way of a blooming relationship IF that is where it is going. On the other hand the fact that you are seeing how he deals with this situation i.e. pulling away and not including you is also an opportunity for you to see how he handles pressure and stressful situations. I understand you’re at odds on what to do because you want to be there for him but you need to give him space to handle his problems. If he doesn’t respond I would reach out 1 more time in a few days just saying hey just wanted to see how you are doing? After that I would let it go and let him come around. We all have to learn how to deal with difficult situations and unfortunately as the person on the other end we cannot control other people’s actions only our own. There is not much you can do or say and if he doesn’t want to spend time with you then like you said do not take it personal.

And start going on dates again.

I dont think this is lost at all. But you have to stop to try to control the outcome and have some real empathy for what he is going through. Because this is not only the phase were he can ghost but also the phase were he finds out youre not the soft cushion to land on. And im saying that because i found the support phrases you gave him sounded rehearsed, as in make him feel manly, and you his fan etc. I recognized the phrases when i did research myself. So im guilty myself here as well. Yeah you like him, but if it falls apart, you will be fine. Meanwhile like i said, try to be more open yourself as well. And i dont mean going to nurse. Absolutely not. But you can tell him you find it hard to support him. And like to be included because you care. Because you do have to find out soon where you stand seeing the timeline. And i dont think it looks that bad. So good luck and be soft

Leave it alone. I had some hopes for you but i think its dead. Also because you dont call. Stop calling him, stop reaching out

A guy you’re dating 3 months says on a Friday that he’d like to see you the following week, and you hear nothing from him til Thursday night? (I’m not even addressing the fact that you didn’t even speak, but only had a missed call). No text or call all week? No guy is that busy. He’s not into you. A guy who wants a romantic relationship with a woman would not go 6 days with radio silence. He just wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter how busy his business is. And even more so that he didn’t bother to reply when you called him back.

I think you’ve reached the dreaded 3 month relationship endpoint. Many relationships end at 3-4 months. If you read this forum you’ll see many women who post because their boyfriend has dumped them, or is pulling away, or even ghosted them after 3-4 months of dating. I’m sorry but I agree with newbie, just leave this guy alone. Don’t call or text. I would consider the relationship over. You know you deserve better treatment than this.

You do nothing. If he’s really dealing with something, he needs time to do that. If he’s ditching you, you’ll never hear from him again. You can’t make someone love you and there’s no way to guess what the outcome will be. I realize this is an uncomfortable position to be in, but you will not die if you never hear from him again.

Oh come on. There’s an enormous difference between a husband in the military, or a long-term partner needing space to deal with some personal things, and a guy who you’ve been dating 3 months who is not committed to you. This guy is *not committed to the OP* and is making no effort to do so. He is making no effort to make her feel that he is interested. And yes, going 6 days with zero communication with someone you’re dating is a sign of very low interest. Texting takes seconds. You can text while sitting on the toilet, for Pete’s sake. Texting is super low effort and this guy isn’t even doing that.

If this guy cared about the OP and wanted to make sure she felt cared for, he would reach out. ESPECIALLY after asking to see her “early next week” last Friday, and then making ZERO effort to contact her. That’s just rude.

It’s very telling that this guy was very communicative and “everything was great” and all of a sudden came to a screeching halt at 3 months. It’s obvious that he’s lost interest and is using his business as an excuse.

@Lane, you normally give great advice but sometimes it’s not so helpful because you’re a lot more like a man than a woman in the way you deal with relationships and you’ve got the military background. It’s great you’ve got your life and relationship so together. But most women (and men) aren’t like you and they’re posting here because they don’t know how to handle a situation. Just telling them to suck it up and be more like you, someone who is very self contained, emotionally detached, not terribly interested in marrying again and happy with a man who isn’t with her for weeks and even months at a time, is only going to make someone who posts a question here feel worse about themselves. Sometimes I think you’re kind of tone deaf to people who aren’t like you, you know? Not wanting to insult you or pick a fight, so no need to blast back at me or defend yourself. I know you’re entitled to your opinion. Just a polite suggestion that maybe you consider everyone’s not as experienced, clear and smart about relationships as you are. Your advice is generally spot on but sometimes you come across as a smug know-it-all and I”m sure that’s not your intention.

@Liz, unfortunately I think you’re right. And shooting off a text that says “hey, up to the neck, but I”m thinking about you” takes less than 15 seconds. Someone who cares enough and is truly interested can and will do it. Whether in a committed relationship or not. That’s the bottom line. And someone who says he wants to see you early next week and doesn’t follow up, and then calls but leaves no message later in the week is rude by any standard, lover, friend or business as I said before.

You can disagree with me all you want but I’ve been in HIS shoes so my advice is based on personal experience. If you have no idea what running a business is like, especially a start up or having to deal with a robbery then good for you! I have and there’s a lot of footwork involved and that’s where your attention and energy NEEDS to be. There is an investment and skin I the game involves here, whereas If a lady is unwilling to let him tackle and deal with it in the way he needs to tackle it, well it says more about her than it does him.

Taking a step back and doing you isn’t a bad thing. He could spring back when the dust settles or he may not but making any demands on someone who’s clearly dealing with a pile of craps isn’t helpful either.

I do agree that at some point mentioning we could do months without contact since there were no smart phones or email, becomes irrelevant to posters looking for advice. Lol i already feel pity for the now 12 year olds as it only gets more insta now

This is more about what each person, including OP, can handle… than what’s the “right decision.” I I think the comments here are more so projecting their own personal preferences, than what the guy’s intentions are. Because no one can be sure of what his intentions. His signals are indeed mixed.

I admit there’s some merit in acknowledging that it’s only been 3 months. Because it’s not impossible for this to be an excuse for him to ghost. But look at how the guy still initiated a call. And hello? He borderline lost his business. Nearly every man’s self esteem revolves around his livelihood. I thought this was common knowledge, especially on this forum.

I’m always great at communicating. But if I’m going through something rough, I will almost certainly shut down. The comments saying it takes only 15 seconds to send a text… are forgetting that it’s never about time and effort but _mental capacity_. I once juggled a full time job, full time school, and a serious relationship. And it wasnt because I was “serious” about the girl, but because nothing in my life at that point was really overwhelming me. So mentally, I had all the time in the world. Compare this to when I was in a relationship but switching careers. Going for job interviews etc. I had all the “free time” because I had just graduated, yet I was suddenly very uncommunicative during that phase because I was hyperfocused on my transition from grad school to career. Work is my achillies heel. Perhaps my only one.

I agree with the comment that this is just terrible timing. Because even if he was genuinely interested in you. An incident like this can be difficult to move forward from when your relationship/foundation is this young @3 months.

And for the record. I like my women to be feminine too. But not princesses. It’s all about a balance. My last relationship taught me a valuable lesson that even though I enjoy being the one who gives majority of… well everything really. I need a potential wifey in my life who’s strong enough to support and handle me at my weakest –on the rare occasions that even happens– instead of freaking out and thinking it’s all about her or the relationship.

To tailgate on what AngieBaby said: I’d been dating my bf for 2 weeks when he had to leave town & take his mom to the hospital for potentially life-threatening surgery. He texted me constantly from the hospital. I heard from him multiple times a day. Because despite his personal stress & everything that was happening, I was on his mind and he wanted to maintain his budding connection with me.

So yes, of course these are just our opinions and personal experiences. And not all guys are the same. Maybe some guys wouldn’t have the mental capacity to send a text during this time. I myself would not want to date a guy who totally shut me out whenever the sh!t hit the fan. AngieBaby is right that all we can do is give our opinions and the OP needs to make up her own mind and decide what works for her.