Would these be red flags to you?

What are the good things?

Only you can answer this. What’s your system for decisions about men?

No one’s perfect. You have to decide what the dealbreakers are for you. Type and quantity.

In my book:

Marked differences in sexual appetite – red flag
Jealousy over little things – red flag
Lovebombing – red flag

In the first 1-2 months of dating, you’re observing and watching out for yellow flags (cautionary) or red flags (dealbreakers now or likely to be down the road). In my book, that’s three red flags and that’s too many in the first month for me to continue.

Get a system like this. Makes it a lot easier. Also I once had a friend who kept a dating diary and wrote down the pro’s and con’s she was observing on dates. Then it was crystal clear to her what the patterns were.

Trust your gut. Not enough women do. Sounds like you know this one is not going anywhere. It’s OK to break it off.

Thanks for the responses! I think you’re both right and this isn’t the right fit. I think sometimes it’s hard cus dating is so tiring and it would be nice to just find someone already but yeah I can’t ignore these flags and think I’ll be happier in the long run if I end things.

Taylor, you’re right, yoy will you be much much happier AND you’ll be much much safer in the long run when you end things!

The opposite doesn’t bear thinking about. What you’re seeing are the early signs of emotional abuse. The other posters are right about these being red flags and manipulation.

They’re ALL worrying signs. Just think about this one as a stand-alone even – You’ve only been dating 3 weeks and he’s already being passive aggressive about sex. I would say Run! Run fast and run hard. This guy is seriously bad news. Anyone who enters into a relationship with him does so at their extreme peril.

Taylor, you’re smart to listen to your intuition and question behaviour that makes you uneasy. Kudos. 👍🌟

It sounds like you’re already doing the right thing, but I’ll chime in that I agree with the others. If you’re seeing behaviors that make you uncomfortable this early on, it’s a sign that you and this guy are not a good match.

If the guy is right for you then 3 weeks in you’re entering the honeymoon period where everything about the guy seems awesome and you click beautifully. He should be on his best behavior and want to make a good impression, and make you happy. If you’re getting jealous vibes, have marked differences in sexual appetite, and feel he’s rushing things– he’s not the one for you, no matter how much you have in common.

M – “Liz Lemon” is a character on the TV show 30 Rock.

Broke up with him last night!

He definitely tried acting like he didn’t do the things I mentioned, that “he’s not a jealous person” and said that I was assuming things.

I said I’m forming opinions based on things you’ve said and done. Basically he did not get away with it haha.

Thanks for all the responses!

Exactly what Tallspicy just said. You could have broken it off kindly.

I’m going to disagree with M and the inferring that this guy is manipulative, abusive or controlling. It irks me that every time a woman and man are not compatible someone has to make the guy out to be this bad guy. Sometimes it’s just a matter of timing and compatibility.

Someone out there may be on the same timetable as him, have the same wants for sex and more understanding of where the jealousy is stemming from. I would like to think that is a possibility.

Also, I don’t think it is that wrong that after 3 weeks or so he wants you to be his gf or make the relationship exclusive especially if you were having sex. He literally wants to take you off the market of being available to other men. Men know fairly quickly if they see you as girlfriend, fwb or just friends. They don’t often say anything until around the 3-4 month mark when a woman puts pressure on them to define the relationship.

Not sure where you got that I wasn’t kind to him. I did start off telling him I think he’s a great person and we just aren’t right for each other. But if he’s going to ask specific questions then I don’t mind letting him know so he can maybe change things in the future if he decides to.

But if I’m told I’m assuming things which isn’t the case, then I’m going to speak up. It ended very nicely. Neither of us were unkind.

I personally think that pouting for not receiving sex is manipulating.

Yes, pouting is manipulative & is a very unattractive quality in a partner.

But it’s a bit much to deduce that “he knows that this is someone he can easily manipulate and control, and he will reel her in on one hand with all the niceties, and gradually escalate the control on the other hand until he’s fully got her in his grip and she feels she can’t speak up for fear of a backlash”.

That’s quite a reach. We don’t know enough about this guy to come to that conclusion. I think that’s the point Gaia was trying to make.

Pouting and acting jealous is definitely enough reason to stop seeing the guy! But the OP doesn’t have to jump from that to deciding that he’s controlling and will escalate and have her living in fear once he’s “got her in his grip”. Having a paranoid or overly negative mindset– assuming the absolute worst of guys– will not serve you well in dating and relationships.

Hi guys,

I’ve just read the rest of your posts. Yes I could be wrong, though I don’t think I am. I’ve been through some tough times and studied this area intensely as a result. What I’ve noticed is that certain patterns emerge that give an eerily accurate prediction of what one can expect in the future. There’s a lot of research to back this too.

One of my best friend’s has a boyfriend where there are compatibility issues and he pouts from time to time. But it’s very different to the situation Taylor is describing and I would not interpret him as having controlling or abusive tendencies. (He’s a poor communicator and lacks emotional immaturity that is all.)

Still I accept what you’re saying and that I could be wrong about the guy Taylor happily said goodbye to. Let’s hope so.

I too agree with Gaia. too soon to come to the conclusion that the guy is a manipulator. he comes across as a love bomber and they don’t seem a gud fit sexually.