Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Would you let this bother you?
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 11 months ago by
MaryA.
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Trina
I just started dating a new guy about a month or so ago. We’ve already been out 8-9 times so things look to be going in a more serious direction. He is divorced but he and his ex are still finalizing custody arrangements. Recently, for whatever reason (I think in his mind it is to justify how unreasonable she is) he has shown me texts between the two of them. But the thing is, she doesn’t come off as all the unreasonable and he is sounding kinda mean and blowing up at her. In some of the texts he is including the kids too. These are red flags for me but this isn’t something that involves me directly. Should I not let this bother me since I really do not know or understand their history? Or should I be worried because it really is very off putting seeing this side of him?
Peggy
Hi Trina. The texts make you uncomfortable and you view his written words as unreasonable and assuming/creating drama. You said his attitude does not involve you directly and you don’t know the history.
The history really does not matter. All you need to know is a guy is treating his ex wife and children poorly. No excuse for that, especially as you would think he would want you to see him in the best light. But he seems to think he is “right” and justified.
I would be aware that if he treats them/thinks of them a certain way, that way will be eventually be turned on you. Talk to him about your feelings and perceptions if you want to , but I think the answers will not be satisfying or convincing. I would likely look for a new boyfriend if I were you.
This hint of his character is similar to the lady on here recently writing about her BF that calls women b**ches and sl*ts. Read my answer to her.Raven
They’re still finalizing custody of children. They haven’t been divorced for that long then…
This guy sounds like bad news…
mama
Trust your gut. This guy is showing you who he is right now. Pay attention…
Personally I view the fact that he’s bringing you into his world of drama at “a month or so” means he is as much responsible for said drama as she is. I would run away — quickly, and leave no forwarding address.
AngieBaby
It’s inappropriate for him to be showing you those texts at this stage in the relationship, for a lot of reasons. And what you’re learning is he’s the unreasonable one. Not good.
Two things – one, how a man treats the last one is indicative of how he will treat you. Two, it’s a good bet that the drama over the children won’t stop even when this custody issue is finalized. He hasn’t been divorced long, it sounds like.
I decline to get involved with men who have any open legal issues with an ex, unless he’s the very rare person who is really available to move on and focus on the current relationship and compartmentalize what’s going on with the ex. I can count the number of men I’ve met who fit that description on one hand.
Don’t sign up to go sightseeing in someone else’s heart and get stuck on a nonstop tour of the ruins of a man’s past relationship. If I were in your shoes, I’d end it now. He’s not done with his ex by a long shot.
Tallspicy
This dude has gross boundary issues. Red flag… he has shown you something to get you to be on his side, and you saw how he will do to you.
Maddie
He’s finalizing custody planning over text and not in person / phone or through a lawyer, and he’s including the kids on some of the disrespectful or angry texts??? Yikes. That’s some major immaturity and communication issues right there. I agree with all the other comments here too (boundary issues, how he acts in past relationships informs how he’ll eventually probably treat you, bringing you into his drama way too early, and more). There’s just so many red flags.
Mary
God gave a woman intuition specifically to protect us. Don’t second guess it.
MaryA
What you see at the beginning is what you get.
You’ve seen him. You need to decide if you’re going to accept the him you now know, or leave.
There’s no point in waiting to see if he will change, as personality/psyche does not change.
Best of luck. -
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