You Ever Felt How pathetic Your Life is But You're only 29 years old?

Hi all, I am a long time user of this forum and I think I’ve posted a few good advice for others over the years. Today the tables have turn and I’m seeking some clarity in a situation and I appreciate all I can get. Note my user name has changed.

As the title says, I’ve reached a point in my relationship and life in general where I’m just watching the days pass me by. My bf and I have fallen into this chaotic or toxic dynamic if you will. Will try to make a long story short, he doesn’t seem to want to be with me anymore and we have a 2 year old son in the middle of this mess.

What’s confusing me is that, he shows no interest in me whatsoever, he chooses his friends over me and goes out with them every weekend. He never makes plans with me unless I’m asking him. Anyway, It has come to a point where he talks to me so disrespectfully, would tell me he and I are never going to be equal because I live with him rent free. (He owns his house) I do work but he makes more than I do. We don’t have any intimacy anymore. He has also cheated in the past. A lot. And I found out about them all last year and it was all at once cause he left his phone unlocked one day and I wasn’t going to snoop but right there in my face was a message of him asking to see a girl THAT night. I had no idea he was cheating. He even cheated with someone really close to me while I was pregnant. I broke up with him and went to my parents house but it was difficult for me because at that time I already had the baby and my son understand who we are really well and he calls for him 24/7. And even when I’m back living with my bf, my son is always running to him and excited to see him. He even waits by the door for him to come home sometimes. It just breaks my heart to pull him away from his Dad. So I put him first and been trying to make it work since. Sometimes we would be okay and have good days but then he always find something to be critical about that I’m doing. He would criticise me about every thing even about how long I bathe my son. I find him very hypocritical as he can dish stuff out but can’t take it in. He’s been ignoring me, leaving the house whenever he feels like it and doesn’t say where he’s even going, picking fights, calling me demeaning things that hurts me. I sent him a long text about the way he’s been disrespecting me and he ignored it. I had to text him because when I calmly talk he doesn’t listen, so when I speak with a high tone during arguments he wants to tell me not to raise my voice at him and threathen to slap me.

Last Saturday I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, since he was coming and going whenever he please and wouldn’t say a word to me, leaving me behind alone with our son a lot, I went to see his eldest sister and was over at her house for a few hours and left our son in his care. His sister lives in the next house over. I didn’t tell him where I was going. When I got back it was around 11pm and I went straight to shower like HE does. When I was getting into the bedroom he had locked me out and told me that I’m not sleeping next to him tonight that I should take the couch and told me to get out his house by the morning. I almost laughed because I realized that he didnt like this treatment at all yet was doing it to me, he did thought I went out to see someone else. I said nothing and slept on the couch. In the morning I was making breakfast for my son and he came up to me and told me again to not make myself comfortable that he wants me out before 10am. I asked him for what reason and he said he don’t need to give me any. An argument began and I got heated from taking all his bull and disrespect so I raised my voice and that’s when we actually physically faught, he slapped me and I wasn’t taking that and I threw some stuff at him and we wrestled a bit where I scratched him. He tried to put me in a chokehold and I bite him. It was horrible I couldn’t believe that just happened. I gave us some distance and left for a bit but still did not move out because I felt I did nothing wrong to cause any of it. But ever since then, I’m like a ghost in this house. He still keeps coming and going as he pleases, when I’m in the sitting room he goes in the bedroom and when I’m in the bedroom he goes to the living room. We don’t say a word to eachother and I’m not even asking about anything anymore. I feel sad. I feel like I’m 29 but living like I’m in my old days cause the days just keep passing me by. I can’t even socialise because I don’t want to come back in the house to be locked out again. I only go to work and here. Ive been faithful to him for the 4 years we’ve been together despite his treatment yet he thinks I’m the problem. And I feel dead inside just watching all my friends living out their life. If it weren’t for my son, I would have left but I can’t take him away just to hear him asking for his father all the time. I feel pathetic. If someone had ask me for advice about this situation I would have told them to leave regardless but it’s different when it’s on you. My son is what’s really keeping me here. What would you have done?